Your Kid Doesn’t Need to Be Comfortable—They Need to Be Capable
Spring is here.
Which means:
Softball
Baseball
Practices
Games
And… parents on the sidelines having very big feelings.
I was recently watching my grandchildren at a game, and I noticed something.
Some parents were upset—really upset—because:
their child wasn’t on the team they wanted
their child wasn’t in the position they hoped for
their child felt uncomfortable
And I get it.
Truly.
Because as parents (and grandparents), we want our kids to:
feel good
feel confident
feel successful
We want to protect them from disappointment.
But here’s the hard truth
👉 If life won’t promise comfort… parenting can’t either.
When we parent for comfort:
we try to remove frustration
we try to prevent disappointment
we step in quickly when things feel hard
And it feels loving.
But over time, it teaches something we don’t intend:
👉 Hard feelings are a problem.
👉 Discomfort should be avoided.
And that’s where we run into trouble
Because discomfort is not a problem.
It’s part of being human.
I’ve had many parents bring in their 8- or 9-year-old and say:
“I’ve done everything for them.”
“I make sure they don’t have to struggle.”
And what they’re seeing is:
anxiety
big emotions
frustration tolerance that’s very low
And gently… I help them see:
👉 That is the problem.
Kids don’t learn coping by avoiding discomfort
They learn it by experiencing it.
Let’s go back to sports for a second
Sports are one of the BEST environments for building emotional skills.
Because they naturally include:
losing
waiting your turn
not getting the position you wanted
making mistakes in front of others
feeling nervous
In other words…
👉 All the things we try to protect kids from.
But this is where growth happens
Not in comfort.
In challenge.
Now let me be clear:
I am not saying kids should suffer.
There is a difference between:
👉 Struggle
and
👉 Suffering
Struggle = growth
Suffering = overwhelm without support
Our job as adults is not to remove the struggle
It’s to stay steady in it with them.
Instead of:
❌ “Let’s fix this so you feel better”
We shift to:
✔️ “I know this is hard—and you can handle it”
This builds something far more important than comfort
👉 Confidence
Not the kind that comes from:
winning
praise
everything going right
But the kind that says:
👉 “I can handle this.”
This is what we want long-term
Because life will absolutely include:
stress
uncertainty
disappointment
And we won’t always be there to fix it.
So back to the field…
If your child:
doesn’t get the position they wanted
feels nervous before a game
struggles with a mistake
Instead of pulling them out or fixing it…
Pause.
Breathe.
(Yes, we’re bringing that back in 😉)
And remind yourself:
👉 This is the work.
The bottom line
Kids don’t need a comfortable life.
👉 They need to become comfortable with discomfort.
And maybe that’s why I believe this so strongly:
👉 Growth doesn’t happen when everything is easy.
It happens when we try, struggle, adjust… and try again.